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I spent 20 years researching The neuroscience of resilienceAs I travel the world and share my research, parents often come to me asking, ‘How can you use your discoveries to raise resilient children? ’ I asked.
As a mother of young children, I don’t understand parenting at all. But there is one skill in particular that has increased my children’s confidence and resilience. It’s a “well-worried” way.
Our role as parents is not to remove worry from our children’s lives, but to give them the tools to manage their anxieties and fears. If you are particularly prone to panic, do the following:
Instead of telling children not to worry, encourage them to set aside time for “worrying.”
Set a timer for 5 minutes and get your child to worry about all aspects of their worries. They can even write down all their anxieties. And when that period is over, let go of your worries and ask them not to think about it anymore.
When your child starts worrying again, remind them that the time for worrying is over. These sessions can be done daily if desired.
This is where your children can take care of themselves. Have your child decorate and write down each concern on a piece of paper and keep it in the container. Once you put it in the box, tell them you don’t have to think about it anymore.
When your child is worried, ask, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” This will make you feel more secure, knowing that the worst possible outcome isn’t as bad as you think.
It also gives them perspective. If you’re worried that you won’t be able to pass the test, ask your teacher for help in that case, or tell them you can hire a tutor.
Reminding children that even the worst-case scenario can be dealt with helps them understand that most problems can be managed.
Children tend to imagine only the worst possible outcomes, so encourage them to focus on positive outcomes instead.
On a hot air balloon trip in Albuquerque, my son Samson, who was always an anxious kid, asked a million questions along the way about what would happen if the balloon punctured or ran out of air. I asked him to imagine the wind blowing through his hair and soaring to the ground.
This approach encourages children to have a more balanced thought process.
During that hot air balloon ride, we got into the air without any problems. But when we landed, there was no wind at all. We were hanging over highways and homes and were low on fuel.
As the pilots discussed the new landing plan, Samson turned to me and said, “Is it time to panic?”
I smiled and replied.
Afterwards, I emphasized to Samson what was right: we landed safely and had a great view. rice field.
And now, he should always remember that it helps build confidence and resilience for the future.
Taryn Marie Stayskal is the founder of Resilience Leadership Institute author with “5 Practices of Highly Resilient People: Why Some thrive when others fold”. She previously served as Head of Executive Leadership Development and Talent Strategy at Nike and Head of Global Leadership Development at Cigna. She earned her master’s and doctoral degrees from the University of Maryland and Virginia. She completed her predoctoral and postdoctoral fellowships in neuropsychology at Commonwealth University Medical Center.Follow Tallinn twitter and Instagram.
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